It don't matter.

(cm journal entry 4)

We are soon entering December 2018 (what tha!) I had BIIIIIIG plans for cmdesigns this year. But guess what! They didn’t all happen. Some did…but majority did not. I have a whole bunch of designs and design ideas and half finished products that just didn’t quite make it to the finished product shelf before Christmas. A couple of weeks ago I was feeling so stressed about this. Berating myself for not reaching ALL my goals and specifically not getting my new products out for Chrissy. Why did this happen? There’s a number of reasons and they have all taught me lessons.

1.) No one likes to talk about it but a big fat one is MONEY. It takes a lot of your savings (plus some of Cody's #gratitude) to start a business and let's remember that you don’t expect to make any money for yourself in the first 3 years of business. Any money that is made goes back into the business. Which is a very wise decision if you want to grow..…but when things outside the business pop up like medical bills, car breakdown, household expenses, having to actually eat yes lol. You find some of that money you wanted to put back into the business going to these things. But that’s ok.

2.) PRIORITIES: BIIIG lesson for me here. I didn’t prioritise the time and space I needed to be able to actually work on the business. I’m not talking about invoices, websites, social media but the creative aspect.The actual design of products. Trying to complete all the ‘boring but necessary business tasks’ plus part time work..plus general life stuff left no space for creativity. I need space and relaxation for the creative juices to flow. However I didn’t schedule in time for this. I didn’t prioritise this. I let others judgements of what I should be doing dictate what I prioritised. Mistake. Something I will most definitely be changing next year. But you know what… it’s ok.

3.) PEOPLE PLEASING: Kind of goes hand in hand with the above. I thought I could do it all. Go here, go there, do that, do this AND then I would sit down and be creative. NOPE. Doesn’t work that way SISTA! It felt so uncomfortable for me to say "no" to someone because I had to work on the business that most of the time I just said "yeah sure". But guess what…it’s ok (going to work on that next year too) 4.)HEALTH: This year I was held back by a few health issues which was a result of stress overload, not sleeping and food intolerances. It got the point where my body was so irritated by everything that the nerve in my middle ear became inflamed resulting in a balance problem (it’s called vestibular neuritis for those who love google) I felt like I was constantly walking on a trampoline…not fun :( Thank goodness this feeling has gone away. I occasionally still get a dizzy spell here and there. I expected myself to work part-time and run the business full time whilst experiencing all this. Looking back now I think wtf Catherine. You needed to take a chill pill and calm the F*^%k down. Recipe for anxiety and fatigue…which I developed…but guess what,it’s ok too and it is going to be ok. This is not about excuses ( I don’t believe in those) hell No! This is for me to look back on and for others in the start up phase/small business who may be struggling at the moment especially going into Christmas. If you are behind or just totally failed to deliver on some of your goals ..it’s ok. It’s taken me awhile to reach the point of not being so harsh on myself . It’s normal to be so passionate about something you want it to grow quickly..you have all these ideas but the reality of executing as a one person show (many of you are) is HARD! Really HARD! Actually you know what, this is for everyone who has placed crazy expectations on yourself this year that you didn’t reach. Guess what. It don’t matter. Don’t confuse this with I don’t care. I care deeply about my business on a probably not healthy level. But i’ve realised I need to go with the flow…when the time is right for more growth it will happen. Trust in the process. Trust in Yourself. Look after YOU! and as I always say..I'm so grateful for the Furfamily that has stayed with me through this journey. Slowly but with surely and with a deeper meaning than "just products".

Wishing you Furfam a Content, Safe and Joyful silly season! Cm x